Disappointed.......

Ok, I figured out why I am sooooo upset with Alyssa's actions. I mean, I know I have been there done that (BTDT). I have had my middle of the night adventures of staying out all night, not caring what mom and dad thought. I was 16 at one point, not afraid of anything. I was with my friends, I felt like nothing could go wrong. I felt safe. And I didn't have the sense or respect to wonder about my mom, her realizing I hadn't come home yet when I should have been home hours before, safe in my bed. At the time, it didn't faze me.

The reason I am so upset? Because Alyssa is so much smarter then I was at that age. Everyone in the family knows how intelligent she is. I never made great grades. I barely passed with D's. She is used to bringing home A's and B's. She is better then this. SO MUCH BETTER. I do understand what she is going through, with boys and school and being a teenager. I was there one time, I know exactly how hard it is to deal with things! She doesn't even know how lucky she has it right now, and that pisses me off.

She never had to go to 4 highschools in 3 DIFFERENT states. She never had to say goodbye to best friends, and first loves. She never had to be the "new kid" in school and know how it felt to sit alone at lunch, eating by yourself. She has never known how it feels to move into a new unfamiliar home, no place to truly call your own.

She was lucky enough to get braces at such a young age! OMG, to have straight beautiful teeth is a dream of mine. I don't know what that feels like, she does. She has lived in the same house in the same town for a very long time now, a house her parents own. I never had that. Her parents take her on vacations every year. Didn't happen much here.

Am I bitter and angry? Nope, not one bit. I was a bratty kid and a horrible teen, I didn't deserve great things. Alyssa has ALWAYS been such a good person. My mom and dad did the best they could (and I'm surprised they didn't kill me growing up- I would have deserved it). April and Chris do the best they can, I know they do. And they are damn good parents, who love and adore thier children. They try to give the kids the best in life. I mean, for God's sake, Alyssa has a car sitting in the driveway!!! HER OWN FREAKING CAR, for free....... but has no initiative or drive to get a license. That just stuns me. If I had been so lucky to have my own car at 16, I would have been one estatic teen, license in hand.

My parents lost so much respect for me on many occasions. Knowing what I know now, and all of the dangers out there, I wish I could take it all back. I was an idiot, I was stupid. I deserved no respect for all the crap I pulled. I can't apologize enough for what I put my parents through. I know there were times that my mom cried about me (and ugh, just thinking about it breaks my heart), and was so frustrated and at the end of her rope. But she NEVER once gave up on me. If I wasn't so selfish and could see the hurt and anger both my parents went through over me, I wouldn't have done any of it. And it's not only because I am a parent myself I can say this.... it's because I am an adult. Alyssa may think she is an adult, but my oh my, she has SOOOOO much growing up to do.

I had tough love growing up. I was grounded alot. I thought life wasn't fair. I thought my parents hated me and only lived to make me miserable. Well guess what? I got over it! At some point, I realized it wasn't all about me. To have made my mom almost call the police once when I was 15 and didn't come home all night, her trying so hard to remember what I was wearing so she could discribe it to the police? 100% UNACCEPTABLE. To this day when I think about that morning, and how much my mom was crying and screaming at me, it still brings me to tears (wiping away tears now). I wish I had never put her through that pain.

My past actions, allthough not acceptable, were not quite the shock to anyone. Alyssa's actions? Complete shock. Like I said, she is better then that. I have only been disappointed in her one other time, and that was during last Mother's Day. She does have quite the cheeky mouth and could use a bar of soap in it once in awhile. But this takes the cake.

Sigh.......